remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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