I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
