Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
