And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
