Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
