If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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