There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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