Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
