Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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