I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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