You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
