your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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