I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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