He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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