peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We are all done wearing pants today
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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