So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
