I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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