OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
