i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
