Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
