My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We named our party play list daddy issues
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
