i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
MIDGETS
????
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
