SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
