I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Randomize
