I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
