do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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