What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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