Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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