dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
