yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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