that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
