Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
