Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
