It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
