I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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