oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
