if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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