this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
