Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
