I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
