can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
