____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
