she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Is Oprah even human
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
