i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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