My sheets look like a crime scene.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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