I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
