there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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