I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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