the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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