can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
