You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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