I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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